There are a number of reasons why the time felt right to
write a blog post again. I’ve been away a lot with my job over the last few
weeks and you get plenty of thinking time sitting by yourself on a long-haul
flight (like the one I’m drafting this on now). Lisa’s Birthday is also coming
up next week too, so that’s a time that always gets you thinking a bit more.
She’d have been turning 38 next Wednesday. It still messes with my head to be
honest, how young she was and how young she’d still be. I turned 34 in January
and it freaked me out a bit. Those of you who are any good at maths may have
figured out that 34 was the first Birthday that Lisa never had. I felt like I
was cheating her a bit by being able to celebrate it, but ultimately thankful
that I could. I had a similar moment last summer too when I realised that it
was the point in which I’d outlived her in terms of months. It’s a strange kind
of guilt that comes with that, but as ever it quickly gets balanced out by the
thought of what she achieved in such a short space of time.
As ever, she’s missed out on so much in the last year or so
since I last wrote anything on here. She’s always going to miss out on stuff
for as long as we’re still knocking around. I’d give anything though to get her
take on what’s going on in our lives though.
Let us start with our parents. They both retired at the back
end of last year, and I mean this when I say it... There can’t be many more
people in this world who deserve a happy retirement than those two legends.
They’re both absolutely brilliant, and we’ve been so lucky to have such
dedicated parents. I need to single out my Dad here for a minute (sorry, Mum –
but the world already knows you’re a hero). This is a guy who has put his
family at the forefront of every decision he has ever made, and I don’t say
that flippantly at all. He worked his bollocks off to be able to give his
Children and now his Grandchildren an amazing start in life. Now though, in
retirement, he’s been able to ensure that he and my Mum can do pretty much all
the things they’ve had their eyes on and wanted to do for themselves. I just
wish Lisa could see it all, maybe she can, I don’t know how that stuff works,
but I hope she can. It’s not just me that thinks a lot of my Dad; I know a lot
of people share my very high opinion of him. Following retirement, he was so
honoured to be asked to become a Director of Derbyshire County Cricket Club.
Lisa would have loved to have seen that and I know I share her pride in seeing
him take on that role, in a sport that has pretty much defined our family
togetherness over any other, even Football. Even now, I know he is not far off
constantly thinking on how he can make things better for his family. But,
despite the obvious Lisa shaped whole in our lives, things are pretty damn
good. And that is pretty much all down to him and my Mum.
Next, her Niece and Nephew. They’re pretty frickin’ awesome
too. Leanne and I have lucked out there. I still can’t believe that Lisa has
never met and never will meet Lyla, her Niece. She’s at the age where her
character is starting to really come out, and I think it is fair to say that
Leanne and I will be having our hands full (in a good way) in years to come.
Full of energy, dancing all the time, knows the words to half the Disney movies
already. I’d just give anything to see what she thinks of her and see how much
fun she could also get out of Lyla, and vice versa. For her Nephew, Corey, the
one she did meet. She’d love to see how he’s grown up. He finished his first
year of School last month and it would be fair to say that he took to it like a
Duck to water. We never really knew how he’d get on at School and as a parent I
guess you’re always apprehensive, but he took all of our worries away on his
first day where he just pretty much waltzed in, got on with it, and he’s never
looked back since. His first School report was the stuff of legends too. I
wouldn’t say I was an emotional person, but that report completely broke me.
OK, it was nice to see he’s had a good start academically, but I think all the
extra stuff around behaviours, interaction, the softer skills etc., that’s what
really tipped us over the edge. The bit that struck home for me from a
sentimental point of view was that his teacher said “he always does the right
thing”, which reminded me of an old post that Lisa had written on here when
Corey was still in Leanne’s womb, stating something similar about me. Again,
I’d love to be able to get her take on that. Corey’s become partial to a bit of
Cricket himself, both playing and viewing, and I know he’d have loved to share
that interest with his Auntie.
I know that’s all maybe sounded like a bit of a diatribe
about how proud I am of all my family; and I’m sorry (I think) if it has. But
y’see, the truth is, I’m an incredibly lucky man. I know, I’ve lost my Sister
and I think I/we would have every right to wallow in self-pity at that fact for
many more years to come. But from my point of view at least, I’ve been
fortunate enough to be in a position where all the people closest to me give me
so much pride. That’s not my fault, I’ve just lucked out there too I guess. My
parents deserve all the respect in the world, my wife is equally beautiful as
she is talented, both in her job and as a mother to our kids, who are best mates,
much like me and Lisa were, and who give me so much joy. I just can’t help any
of that. No lack of Lisa being around could change any of the above, but I do
constantly wonder how much better it could still have been with her not having
to do one so tragically early. I talk a lot about my loved ones, I know this. I
make it no secret that Lisa is my favourite subject. I could talk about her all
day, as I could my wife, my kids, my parents, Pete, my mates, my extended
family. I like talking about the key people in my life, and that may piss
people off at times, but that is something I won’t be apologising about any
time soon! Maybe it is a coping mechanism of mine, I don’t know, but I can’t
see me changing how much I talk about this bunch any time soon, so those of you
in my path might as well just accept it.
As I mentioned earlier, there is no doubt that looking after
this blog brings with it a certain amount of pressure. That’s not me
complaining in any way, it’s just stating a fact. It’s not something I have an
issue with and I’m more than happy to do it. Any time you have to step into
Lisa’s shoes, you’re gonna be in for an interesting and difficult ride. I’m
sure my main man Jonze knows how it feels from when he was looking after this
house too, so I’m pretty sure I’m not alone there. So, once again, I’ll
apologise for the delay in writing something on here. But it has felt good to
share with you some stuff that’s been in my head. I’m not sure if I’m
apologising to Lisa, her mates, the Alright Titters that had been here before,
but I’ll apologise anyway.
I guess before I go, if anyone was still wondering if I was
still gutted that Sheridan and The C-Word crew missed out on a BAFTA last year,
the answer is yes… but I think it’s best that I leave that one there before I
start claiming they were robbed (which they were) or something like that!!!
One last thing, ahead of turning 38 next week… Happy
Birthday, nobhead! I do miss not being able to send you a birthday card filled
with abuse!
Until next time, and there will be a next time, cheerio from
me.
Peace out,
Jamie/James/Arseface
x
