This week, however, has been a little more stable than last, given that it’s my first ‘week off’ chemo and has therefore come with significantly less sickness. I’m back at the hospital tomorrow to talk about (read: get seriously kick-ass about) what can be done to help me feel more human during the fortnights that I’m taking chemo pills, and also to have the second of my bone-juice IVs to keep the pain under control (which it currently largely is), so I’ll report back after that with a more detailed update of what’s going on both physically and emotionally. Until then, though, I wanted to post a lovely example of one of the ‘how are you?’ conversations I had earlier this week.
Since I’m famously averse to speaking on the phone, the below transcript is of an SMS conversation (as is much of my contact with friends – no bloody wonder I’m such a fan of Twitter) with my mate Lorna, someone who understands the Bullshit stuff more than most. One of the many reasons I love her so, however, is because of the below kind of conversation. Because Lorna, if you don’t know already, just gets it. And what she said here hasn’t half given me something sweet to chew on...
Lorna: How are you Mrs L?
Lisa: Aw, y’know, up and down. More of an up couple of hours tonight, mind, which is good (albeit frustratingly disproportionate). How’s you, my favourite Essex girl?
Lorna: I’m alright, you been on my mind. x
I may snog you when I see you, so pucker up lady. I guess it must be a heartbreaking time and you must still be in shock really. I’m sure up and down is normal. How is P?
Lisa: Aye, I’m sure it is normal. We’re both in shock I suppose, but can’t make as much time as we’d like for thinking because of all this ruddy illness. Feel like I’ve been on a sponsored puke. Apparently I can’t even handle the ‘easy’ chemo, paffetic!
Lorna: I did tablet chemo as well. Seasick mind fuckness? Did they say how the fuck it was missed? All those back scans etc? I’m just outraged for you, outraged.
Lisa: Yes, seasick! All the fucking time! And they want me on this shite FOREVER? They can fuck off. And nowt was missed – I only ever had two back scans, when it broke, and that area was clear 16 months ago. Whatever’s all up in me is a fast-moving motherfucker.
Lorna: Man, cancer is scary. It’s like it just hides and pounces, like a cunting ninga cuntfuck.
Lisa: It’s scarier than even I’ve managed to get my head around yet...
It can win. x
It can win. x
Lorna: Have they given you the anti-nausea stuff as well? I found chemo pills got easier as time went on. Oh, Lisa Lisa. Why the fuck?
Lisa: They have, but it’s positively not working, need to try sommat else. And why? Because we’re the best ones. If we weren’t so bloody brilliant in the first place, none of this shite would be a problem.
Lorna: Do you know what I think, Lisa? I think through all this we have stayed nice girls. We love our families, we love our work, we love our lives. Cancer won’t take that away from us. I really believe everything happens for a reason – some of us pull the short straw health-wise, but the long straw life-wise. We are long straws.
Lisa: THAT, Lorna Lornchops, is going on my blog, because it is absolutely spot on. I love you. x
Lorna: I love you more and I’m proud to have met you. Take that, Bullshit. #karatechopsit
Lisa: Do me a lemon, eh? Forward me this conversation on email? I want to remember how it made me feel. (Better.)
Lorna: I love our new long-straw phrase.
Lisa: We OWN it.
Lorna: Totes – so every time the short-straw thoughts are winning, you gotta match it with a long straw, dealio?
Lisa: I will. I’m long-straw surfing all the way now...