Wednesday 12 June 2013

So... What now?

I got an email from Pete the other day.

“Just wondered if you’d had any thoughts on a blog post. Thought it might be time to post one. What d’ya reckon?”

And yes, yes it is. There’s just one tiny hitch, and it’s dripping with irony.

I’ve told this story before, I know, but the last time I saw Lisa (the very last time in fact), we talked Alright Tit and how it she’d built herself up to performance anxiety about it all (she tells this story much better by the way). And there I was, telling her that what was really important wasn’t big long epic posts, but keeping in touch, talking to you lot, making it a cathartic thing for her, because if it was a stress, what was the point? She hardly needed another burden.

Skip forward six months, and here I am, staring nervously at a blank screen. She would so kick my ass right now.

It’s my own fault really. Reading back on that last post, I built up the future of this blog a fair bit, but the fact is it’s three months since that bleak Monday morning phone call from Pete, and as far as what’s going to happen on here, still no idea. Not yet anyway.

If quantum physics and watching Star Trek on Netflix have taught me anything though, it’s that somewhere out there there’s a parallel universe where Lisa’s cranked out some awesome posts in the last few weeks. We’ll never get to read them of course, which is a damn shame because I really really want to read what Alternate-Universe-Lisa managed to write about Angelina Jolie. I want to read what she thinks about how the press bickered about it all, I want to read about her moaning about all the “she’s so brave” cobblers. And let’s face it, she’d probably get a kick out of the ‘me and Angelina’ bit when it came to sharing The Bullshit™. She’d probably have a few choice things to say about Michael Douglas as well, never mind having a tweet-binge over this year’s Eurovision.

Sadly, as much as hanging with A-U-Lisa and gossiping about it all over Tunnocks and tea would take the weight of the past few months away for a moment, the cold truth is it’s not going to happen. She’d look silly with the evil-Spock-goatee anyway.

As time rolls on though, the shock of losing Lisa has evolved into just really really missing her, give or take the odd gut punch of reality here and there. But at the same time, these past few weeks have been about seeing just how loved she is, reading some of the awesome messages you lot have sent to, as well as on here, and remembering happier times of talking toot with her over work e-mail for (literally) years on end.

And of course, looking to the future. There’s more to come. The TV adaptation of “The C-Word” is still bubbling away in development, although my suggestions of turning me into a central character played by Dirk Benedict seem to be getting nowhere. Lisa’s memorial fund with Trinity Hospice continues to grow, and her book keeps shifting off the shelves.

So I’ll say again what I said last time – will continue. In fact, while we ponder exactly what the future might hold, for the next few weeks I’m going to post some of the messages, blog posts, emails and more that you’ve all sent (and if you’re in a guest post kind of mood, even better).

Whatever this site will look like six months from now, it’s going to come not from me but from all of us, and I for one am looking forward to it.